If you have experienced complex relationship dynamics in adult life and have done a bit of inner work, then the impact of our relationship with parents and caretakers during childhood must be clear to you.
One of the major causes in creating different distortion in the psyche is the experience of abandonment during infancy. According to research if the caregivers fail to provide an emotionally and physically secure and nurturing environment for the infant, the impact persists throughout life. The Cumulative wound during infancy such as moments of shame fear etc even in the most subtle form can result in trauma. Unfortunately, most of these wounds lead to creating behavior patterns that we may not even be aware of in the slightest bit. High anxiety levels, low self-esteem, or inability to trust and be open to the world are a few indicators of such childhood trauma. The trauma doesn’t necessarily have to be of high intensity to create this split in the psyche.
“The lesson for me was that a key aspect of What happened to you? is What didn’t happen for you? What attention, nurturing touch, reassurance—basically, what love—didn’t you get? I realized that neglect is as toxic as trauma.”– Bruce D. Perry and Operah Winfry,What didn’t happen for you?
The vast majority, who may not have had a nerve-wracking childhood tends to overlook the importance of inner work as everything seems normal on the surface. Another problem arises when the insecure relationship dynamics are normalized. Our body sends us clear messages on what is ok and what is not okay. The ability to interpret these subtle signs and address the underlying wounds is the key. Unfortunately, many of us need a catastrophic event to bring finally the required attention to our psychological well-being.
Unresolved emotional wounds can be easily identified from our relationship patterns such as patterns of attracting /choosing partners that are abusive controlling and needy or narcissistic or emotionally unavailable and unable to meet different needs.
Below are some suggestions to begin the journey of healing abandonment trauma. Please use these as the guidelines and take professional help if you are in need.
- Inner child work -This is pure gold. Louis hay discusses how she talks to her inner child and nurtures that aspect of her psyche that was neglected. You can do this by writing down the dialogues between you and your inner child, by using different types of ink or maybe conversing in the mind itself.You can find more prectical steps from the works of Susan Anderson who has written The journey from Abandonment to healing.
- The Completion Process by Teal swan I have done this and this is a very effective tool if you have a spiritual inclination and want to bring forth more integration on a deeper level. You can find more info in this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jty-QG_N8c
- Yoga and Breathwork Yoga
The key to a better life is in this moment. With this realization let’s practice more mindfulness and be kind to ourselves and others. According to Susan Anderson, a psychotherapist, healing abandonment trauma is not done through thinking but by taking action, you can find more resources on her works on abandonment healing in the link.https://www.abandonment.net/.So start taking active responsibility in your healing journey. Seek help and stay grounded.
May the force be with you.