It is time to change how we look at break-ups, or in a broadway any challenging life events.
Break-ups are difficult, there is no doubt about that. But the way break-ups are portrayed in our society is not uplifting. Break-ups are one of the best opportunities in a way that forces us to look at ourselves. Yes, it is a crazy, soul crushing period. We are going through it anyway, then why don’t we take all the rewards that are bestowed on us rather than victimizing?
These are the five healthy perspectives for you to embrace breakups and see the world through a brighter lens.
This is the most essential part. There is no going around it. If you avoid it or suppress it, it will emerge later in some other ways. Catharsis is found to relieve people from the symptoms of distress by Joseph Breuer. Sigmond Freud also believed that the conscious expression of the emotions from traumatic events helps in attaining a state of peacefulness. This grieving process can vary from person to person. You need to grieve on your loss of trust in relationships, your loss of certainty of life, your happy moments, your loss of joy of togetherness. Take it one day at a time. Many have passed through these and come out as pure gold. You too.
2.It is about You
Break up is about you. It is about you understanding that you have to be there for you. It is a reminder about the most important person in your life. You. Whether the other person is torn as much as you are or not it won’t help you in surpassing this pain. No additional information about the other person’s life details will help you to reverse it all. Even your efforts to show the other person that you are well off without them has no benefits in the end. Bring your focus to you.
Remember the fact that everyone is doing what is best of their knowledge. Forgive yourself and the other person for your sake. Forgiveness born from a place of understanding has deep healing power. It can free us from feeling stuck.
3.Acknowledge your emotions.
Be mindful of your emotions. What do I mean by that?
When you are feeling deep pain acknowledge that pain.. you can use affirmations or small mantras to calm your mind that is freaking out(Eg: It is ok or All is well). It is ok to feel those emotions. Know when you are getting triggered. Try to find out the underlying belief systems that you have. Our emotions can guide us about how we feel. It can help us to have clarity on our deepest beliefs. Relationships are the best opportunity to know what you are actually. That is why when a relationship falls apart one should try to look at it inquisitively without judging to learn more about oneself through this experience.
4.Getting out of your head
When our mind couldn’t grasp the situation it goes wild like replaying the events of the past over and over again or making us behave and act differently. Thoughts after thoughts may lead to worry, tension, and lots of drama.
How to find yourself back?
Engage in activities that you enjoy. Exercising, gardening, drawing going hiking, or anything that you enjoy. This will help you to bring attention from your mind to the body or to an activity. This itself will ease the pain and frustration caused by the separation. Always remember that you were alive even before you met this person. You had a life before that. This is just a phase of your life and that is for you to grow and learn.
5.Lessons of Change and Freedom
The opportunity presented through break up is of change and freedom. It isn’t about freedom from the person or circumstances. But freedom from the small limited story that you were telling yourself. You are unlimited potential. The thick veil of social conditioning blocks us from seeing this truth. When your grieving phase is over. You may realize this is how life is. It changes constantly, it calls us to join the dance. We have strong deep walls of beliefs that we have subconsciously picked up along our journey. It all crumbles down when something goes off-limits. Yes, we are crying on the fall of it, but later only to see the unlimited land of love beauty, and freedom that lies ahead for us.
It is my desire for everyone who is going through challenging phases of a break-up or separation to see with more clarity and love. I hope these 5 perspectives opens a new channel for you.